I’m 36 and have been with my current girlfriend for almost 5 years now - my longest relationship yet. We live together & everything else couply, just not married. I see marriage as unnecessary pressure that has a tendency to put strain on the relationship. Right now if we’re happy together we stay, if we’re not we split. Simple. Marriage complicates it.
I’m generally ambivalent at best about the institution of marriage, but my wife (as you might conclude) was decisively pro-marriage.
Really it doesn’t change anything, just treat it like an excuse to buy your SO a nice ring and throw a huge party, if that’s the kind of thing you’re into (and if not, then don’t include those things as part of your engagement/wedding).
Bingo. This was my take before I met my wife and early in our relationship. When it came time to talk about the future and we discussed marriage I asked what she wanted. For my part, I told her that I didn’t need a piece of paper from the government or a magic ceremony to commit myself to her fully.
She wanted a wedding and marriage and I wanted to give that to her. It was immediate family only, at home, with a retired judge performing a ceremony we wrote.
From a legal perspective it can be immensely more complicated long term and will almost certainly be financially more disadvantageous within the US system if you’re American to not be married.