Mossy Feathers (She/They)

Why is that fucking Jerma what the fuck

I’m 30. Just recently started living. The past few months have been a blur of excitement, happiness, sadness, jealousy, anger, frustration, fear, and basically every other emotion imaginable. I have been in shock multiple times; and I have experienced overwhelming euphoria too. Things are turning around, and it’s slow, painful and scary as fuck, but they’re turning around.

My friends aren’t abusive.

My friends actually love and care about me.

I feel like I have a functional family (even if I still have to live with my bio family)

I feel like I have a home (even if I’m still stuck in my parents house)

I’ve also become aware of how lonely I am. How broken I am. How my parents did a great job of cratering any chance I had of being a functioning, successful person. How my parents terrible advice regarding dating and socializing meant I missed out on some of the best years of my life.

Yet, the thing that’s been the most encouraging is that I haven’t been told to leave all my baggage at the door. No, they (my friends) let me bring my baggage with me and start unpacking in front of them. I have never felt so supported and cared about, and while I wish they could do more, I wouldn’t trade them for anyone. They’re slowly teaching me how to be a person and it makes me so happy. I love them very much <3

Pretty shit. Came out of the closet as trans to my parents just before the election after hiding dysphoria for nearly 20yrs (I’m 30). Unfortunately, the dysphoria has been intense enough that I’m so dissociated that I can barely function, so as you might imagine, I’m currently living with parents.

My dad’s reaction was basically, “whoever the best you is, be that you”.

My mom’s reaction was “but you’re my son… I always wanted to have a brother and you’re kinda like that”.

Meanwhile my grandparents voted for Trump after saying they wouldn’t, and are now crying about it. Literally. My grandmother was in tears.

So my mom is also dealing with that, and possibly osteoporosis, which meant she said, “it’s gonna take time to process this”.

Then last night she told me that I wasn’t allowed to start hrt until I moved out.

She refuses to let me tell her why I can barely function. She refuses to let me describe what I’m going through. She says she “can’t handle it”, that “it’s not a top priority right now”, that she’s “trying to understand” why I’ve made this “choice” while also telling me things like “but I like you the way you are” and rejecting any information I send to her because she’d rather consult her friends that she “trusts more”.

She starts to have a panic attack whenever I try to talk to her about it and God forbid I tell her that she made a mistake because then I obviously hate her guts and want her to die. She’s literally accused me of that.

It hurts like hell but I don’t know how to get out of this situation. I don’t know how long it’ll take hrt and therapy to get me on my feet all while not having a job. All this while in Texas. I’m fucking scared.

Edit: I also kinda wonder if I was born intersex and that’s why my mom is freaking out. I’d think my dad would know and would say something, but idk. I’ve heard of times where one parent had an intersex kid “”“fixed”“” without the other parent knowing. It honestly might explain some shit if I was born intersex.